


The Stand In

by rokusasuxiii



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Character Study, Drabble, identity crisis, post kh3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-07 23:18:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17969942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rokusasuxiii/pseuds/rokusasuxiii
Summary: It’s a joke.Roxas understands that it’s a joke, he swears he does. But his head and his heart aren’t cooperating and it hurts. It hurts because lately he’s been so unsure of who he is and who he is supposed to be. Hayner doesn’t know that it hurts him when he says it. He doesn’t know that his remarks opened wounds that Roxas doesn’t know how to heal.-----How do you know who you're supposed to be when you're always standing in someone else's shadow?





	The Stand In

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was supposed to be for my role play blog but it turned into this small drabble. I hope you enjoy it and please feel free to leave your thoughts.

It’s a joke. 

Roxas understands that it’s a joke, he swears he does. But his head and his heart aren’t cooperating and it hurts. It hurts because lately he’s been so unsure of who he is and who he is supposed to be. Hayner doesn’t know that it hurts him when he says it. He doesn’t know that his remarks opened wounds that Roxas doesn’t know how to heal.

They were in the Usual Spot, the four of them. Roxas had wanted for this exact moment for so long. The happiness that engulfs him hits him like a waterfall. A feeling so wonderful and intense that he can’t get enough of.

They’re on the topic of Struggle and Hayner says that he isn’t going to sign up this time. He’s beyond it, he claims. Pence cracks up from his spot on the couch, says that Hayner just sucks at it. Olette chimes in stating that he’s a sore loser. The two keep laughing as Hayner pouts. And Roxas joins in their laughter and says that he can train him. After all, Roxas did know how to fight with two keyblades at a time. He figures he’s more than capable to train his friend. 

Hayner makes his way over and swings his arm over Roxas’ shoulder. He tells him that this is why they’re friends. Well that, and that he reminds them of Sora since they’re basically the same person.

It’s a joke. 

Roxas’ face must have visibly fallen because Hayner is quick to state it.

It’s a joke, Roxas. 

And the keybearer laughs. He laughs because that’s what people do when something is funny. And jokes are funny. 

It’s a joke. It’s a mantra in his head. But his heart and mind are finally on the same page and they’ve both landed on fear. Roxas is so afraid that there’s truth behind Hayner’s words. It’s a fear he’s had since he’s been back. These people before him are only forcing themselves to befriend him; because of Sora, because of their data selves. 

He feels this again when he’s with Lea later in the day. Lea is talking to him about Ventus, and how he and Isa met him when they were kids. It’s a fun story, he supposes. But Roxas isn’t focusing too much on it because he’s spiralling. He starts to question his friendship with Lea. With Axel. Did Axel only befriend him because he thought Roxas was his old friend? Did Axel want Roxas to regain his memories because he believed him to be Ven’s Nobody? And deep inside him he knew the answers to these questions. He knew that Lea cared for him because he’s Roxas and not anybody else, but his anxiety was getting in the way.

He hated whenever Lea would come back from the Land of Departure because it meant that he was there too. It meant that one day Lea could wake up and realize that he no longer needs Roxas in his life. Now that Ventus, his real friend from the start is back, there is no room nor need for Roxas in his life. This train of thought angers him and he hates himself for it. Lea notices that something is wrong but never comments on it. The keybearer figures that Lea is waiting for him to express himself when he’s ready, but Roxas never says anything. 

Sometimes he wants to ask Xion if she feels this way too with Kairi and Namine, but he’s too afraid. What if she does feel the same? Does he comfort her, or do they both find solace in their shared fate? Then there’s the very selfish part of him that is afraid of Xion not feeling the same at all. She might have found her place in this life already, and doesn’t question the role she plays in their friends’ lives. That isn’t fair. Xion gives him looks the same way Lea does, but Roxas doesn’t want to hate her for her answer to his question, so he says nothing.

The one person who angers him the most, who fuels these fears more than anyone is Kairi. She won’t look at him and he can’t stand it. Sora’s gone. He has been for a while now and it feels as though something in all of them broke. No one knows how to fix it, but everyone is scrambling to find a way. Roxas visits her a lot, he’s worried about her. He knows this is coming from his bond with Sora, because Roxas doesn’t know this girl. He doesn’t know her but there’s something in him that needs to know that she’s okay. 

Kairi never says anything to him when he visits. He’ll sit by her on the paopu tree, it’s where she always is these days. Sometimes he’ll try and make conversation but the princess never replies, but she doesn’t tell him to leave either. Kairi sends anyone who comes to check on her away except for Roxas, and it irritates him because he knows why, but he can never bring himself to leave. She doesn’t voice the reason until the third week of these visitations. 

The sun is almost gone when she finally turns to him and says, “Sitting with you...it feels like Sora never left.” 

Roxas doesn’t look at her as he throws his head back and cackles. He doesn’t reply, he doesn’t need to.

He’s always been a stand in; for Ventus and Sora. 

It’s a joke.


End file.
